from a new essay, NO PLACE LIKE HOME

I was twenty-one when I moved out of my parents’ apartment and into one of my own, ten miles away—or (more to the point for the New Yorker I had always been and imagined I always would be) nine express stops north on the D train.  The building I moved into was tiny—a dollhouse of an apartment building—and crumbling, and tilting: if you set a pencil down near the north wall of my apartment, the one wall that had windows (two of them, which looked out on a weedy square of courtyard), it quickly rolled south into the “kitchen,” a shallow alcove housing just a miniature stove and sink.  The refrigerator had its own alcove, perpendicular to the apartment’s door (and when I saw the apartment for the first time, I thought there was no refrigerator, because the landlord had left the door open: the refrigerator was hidden behind it).  I spent just five minutes there before I told the landlord, “I’ll take it”—surprising myself (not by what I said, but by the way I said it: by my own decisive, grownup voice—imitating my father, it occurs to me now), and without giving him a chance to respond, to say no, I couldn’t have it—as I was so afraid he would—I had gotten out my checkbook and was writing a check for a month’s rent and a month’s security.

It was my first checkbook, and quite possibly my first check; it was the first of many times I would channel my father.  It was, of course, the beginning of my adult life.



from a new essay, FOREIGN EXCELLENT

It wasn’t that I didn’t like her.  I liked her fine—that’s what I would have said if anyone had asked me.  But I knew better than to get too attached to the women who dated my next-door neighbor, John.  Women cycled through his life pretty quickly, and so far all the ones I’d met had been crazy, anyway—too crazy for me, if not for him.  John pursued crazy; he thought crazy was charming.  And while she didn’t necessarily seem crazy, I’d learned that you couldn’t always tell at first (that actually you could hardly ever tell at first).

Did she like me?  It was impossible to judge.  She was friendly enough, always polite if not warm or “chatty”—John’s word, not mine (he had a way of using words like chatty and jolly, pronouncing them with a vaguely British accent, that I found both amusing and mystifying; I imagined it had something to do with his having grown up in Connecticut).  Certainly she was more guarded than I (but then just about everyone I have ever met is more guarded than I).  I could not have read her even if I'd tried.  But I didn't try, because we weren't friends.

And then she cracked her skull—she almost died—and suddenly we were.


A long essay, "Seeing Things," in The Southern Review

and here's a review of it (part of a roundup of reviews of literary magazines at http://www.newpages.com/magazinestand/litmags/default.htm)

The Southern Review

Volume 43 Number 2

Reviewed by Sheheryar B. Sheikh

The Southern Review prides itself on excellence, on not letting the reader off the hook. This issue has three essays on “Mind and Metaphor,” none of which are an easy task to read, partly because each of will unsettle your preconceived notions of those two abstract concepts. Michelle Herman's exploration of expert advice on her daughter's rare psychological condition makes for a terrific read. She meanders like a sure narrator going for the kill with a ready spear, and the insightful way her discussion weaves in the objectives and possibilities in metaphor astound the reader. Herman scoffs science, reveres it, magnifies its warm steeliness and fuses it on a nuclear level with literature. Her included discussion on story-telling is worth reading for every writer of character-driven narratives. [for the remainder of the review, see the link above]


"El Fin del Mundo," in Stumbling and Raging, edited by Stephen Elliott  (proceeds to support politically progressive candidates in the midterm elections).

"The Perfect Mother (A Cautionary Tale)," in O, The Oprah Magazine  

"Finders Keepers," in O, The Oprah Magazine 

"Finding My Voice," in Redbook

"Performance," in American Scholar

Hear "Performance" on Wired for Books

...and hear Jamie Sims and The Cosmopolitans, as mentioned in "Performance," on their recently reissued album, Wild Moose Party 

"Idolatry," an essay (about American Idol!), in River Teeth: A Journal of Nonfiction Narrative


Excerpted from books:

 from Dog, a novella (MacAdam/Cage, 2005; paperback, 2006)

The dog, the dog, the dog—the dog had taken over her life.

But this was not necessarily a bad thing.  Perhaps she had needed to have her life taken over.

This—a thought on the fly, as it were, as she raced along behind the selfsame dog, the ridiculously expensive leash pulled so taut between them that if she stopped running to keep up with him, she feared the dog would choke to death—made her laugh out loud, and in response the dog stopped suddenly, too suddenly for her to stop, and she nearly tripped over him.

She was a little drunk.  No doubt that explained at least some of this.  The lament for sure, and possibly the wry judgment on herself.  Almost certainly the laugh—a shock of noise to both of them after fifteen or twenty minutes of pure silence but for their footfalls on the sidewalk and the steady jangle of the metal tags that hung from the dog’s braided leather collar (his necklace, she called it when she took it off him each night after the midnight walk, so that their clanking wouldn’t disturb her sleep: Here, let me take off your jewelry, darling), plus her hard and shallow breathing as she did her middle-aged best to keep up with him.  Also how close she’d come to falling, to breaking an arm or a leg or spraining an ankle, all because of a dog.

A dog she had never intended to own.  The very concept—ownership of a living creature!—dismayed her.  As did the concept of caretaking.  She lived alone.  She did not—it was not in her nature to—take care.

A dog she therefore had no business having.

The dog (but he was not even a dog yet but a puppy, just over eleven weeks old) was sitting on the cold sidewalk, considering her.  He looked very serious.

 “Silly,” she said, and bent to pat his head.  “It was just a laugh.”  The dog cocked his head—he looked genuinely puzzled—which made her laugh again.  But this time the sound of her laughter didn’t alarm him.

“A human thing,” she explained, and oddly enough this seemed to satisfy the dog.  He gave a little nod, or what looked to her like a nod (did dogs nod?  She knew nothing about dogs), and stood and turned, then abruptly bounded ahead again, yanking her behind him.

Her name was Jill.  The dog, unfortunately, was named Phil.  She had named him herself.  She hadn’t noticed (and this was strange, she granted, because she was a poet; you’d think it would have been impossible for her not to have noticed) the rhyme.

Well, it wasn’t altogether as strange as it appeared to be.  This was what she felt obliged to explain when people asked.  To begin with, she had named the dog Philip.  It had not occurred to her that she would call him Phil.  She was not the sort of person who clipped names short.  She disliked even the word “nickname.”  She had never had one herself.  She had a name that sounded like a nickname, but wasn’t—it was the only name she had—and she disliked it.  “Jill”: so girlish, so truncated-sounding.  So lightweight.  Even as a child she had known that she was not a lightweight, that the name didn’t suit her.  From the time she was ten she had signed her schoolwork “J.T. Rosen.”

She had named the dog in a hurry.  He had been called Dog—that was the poor creature’s name—by the “foster father” who had been keeping him, caring for him, since rescuing him from the pound.  The man was a volunteer for an organization called Fostering Care, which meant, he told her over the phone, that his name was on a list of people who could be called to take in dogs that were about to be “put down,” to look after them beyond the pound’s two-week limit and try on their own to find permanent homes for them.

He couldn’t afford to become too attached to the dogs he took in as “fosters,” he said.  “I made that mistake the first couple times.  Learned pretty fast.”  Still, a dog had to be called something—sometimes, he explained, he’d have one with him for months before a home was found—and long ago he’d settled on Dog, unless of course he already had another Dog with him when he brought a new one home.  Jill considered this.  How many dogs had he taken in, then? she wanted to know.

“Geez, who can say.  Tell you the truth, I never counted.  Hundreds, I reckon.”

She had to ask.  “What happens if you take in another one after you’ve named one Dog?”

“Oh, I have four others out in my garage right now that’ve come in after Dog did.  This Dog, the one you’re interested in, just so happened to turn up when I had no other dogs here except my own.  But two, three days later came Pup, and then—bang—the next week there was Girl, Boy, and Guy.  All real nice dogs.  You might want to have a look at them too, if you decide to come over.”

“How about your own dogs?” Jill asked.

“Oh, my dogs aren’t available to be adopted out.”  He sounded alarmed.  “Those are my dogs.  I keep them.”

“No, I mean”—she was embarrassed—“do they have real names?”

“They all have real names.”  Now he sounded insulted.  “Some names are just more…you know, attachment-oriented than others.”

Jill was silent, briefly, thinking this over: a man who felt comfortable uttering the words “real nice” and “I reckon” and “attachment-oriented.”

 “That’s what I meant,” she said.  And added, delicately, “Names that suggest you’re willing, even glad, to be…attached.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.  They’re Gypsy, Lucky, and Fido—Fido sounds like it’s kind of a joke, I guess.  But I liked the idea when it came to me.  You know, it’s so old-fashioned.  Not many people name their dogs Fido these days.”

“True enough,” Jill said.  And because he seemed to expect it: “It’s a very nice name.  They all are.”

The man’s name, improbably enough, was Bill.  She didn’t tell people that.  They would have made it part of the joke.  She tried not to think about it, actually. It made the whole thing seem a bit of a farce.

 


from The Middle of Everything (University of Nebraska Press, 2005)

The night before her third birthday, my daughter cries.

She doesn’t want to turn three—this is what she says when I ask what’s wrong.  She likes being two, she says.  She is happy being two.  Why can’t she just stay two?

She is sobbing, and I am at a loss, as I have been so often in the last three years—one day short of three years.  It’s not just that the question is hard to answer.  It’s not even just that it’s especially hard for a mother who has taken an oath never to resort to the “Because I say so” or “You think that’s unfair? Well, life is unfair” school of parenting—a mother who explains everything, who enjoys explaining everything, who is always up for a good healthy debate about her explanation, even with a two-year-old; a mother who has been explaining everything since said two-year-old was two days old.  Because she wanted to set a precedent.  Which she did.

Actually, it’s the crying itself that undoes me, as it always is.  Compared to my ability to bear my daughter’s grief or pain, even the impossibility of explaining the passage of time in a way that will make sense to a nearly-three-year-old seems like no big deal.

When she was a baby, I would cry whenever she cried.  I would pick her up, cradle her in my arms, coo and murmur to her, cover the top of her head with kisses, attend to whatever needed attending to—all the while in tears myself.

And Grace at two (as at four, at six, at eight) doesn’t just cry.  She sobs as if her heart is breaking.  And once she starts—and she starts often; tears come naturally, too quickly, to her, as they always have to me—she has difficulty stopping.   Once, when she was four, I made the mistake of bringing home a video of “The King and I”—a movie I chose because she had so thoroughly enjoyed “The Music Man,” had seen it so many times she knew the dialogue and lyrics all by heart, and because we’d graduated to “My Fair Lady” and then “West Side Story” (the latter of which would soon succeed “The Music Man” as her favorite movie, although what she watched was an adulterated version: fast-forwarded past the rumble, the manhandling of Anita in Doc’s store, the shooting of Tony).  “The King and I” seemed the logical next step.

I was right to think she’d like it: she watched the whole movie in one sitting with fierce, unswerving concentration, unwilling to take even a two-minute bathroom break.  I just hadn’t reckoned on her reaction to the king’s death at the end.  She wept so long and hard she frightened me.  Hours later she was still crying on and off, still talking in a hushed, frightened voice about how terrible his death was (“After I got to know him so well!” she kept saying.  “After I got to love him too, just like Anna!”).  I cried this way after seeing “Camelot” in a movie theater when I was a little girl.  I told Grace this.  “I cried on and off for days,” I said, and she was horrified: “Then let’s never rent that one.”

 Even now, almost five years later, she recalls with reverent amazement the day she cried for hours over a movie death.

 But at the time I am speaking of she has not yet seen "The King and I."  She is only almost-three and what she is sobbing over is the death of her two-year-old self.  I am holding her in my arms, sitting on the edge of the bed.  A minute ago she'd been tucked in, ready for sleep--so I had thought--in the “big girl bed” she’s been in since shortly after she turned two, not because we had decided it was time to do away with the crib, but because we’d moved to New York for the year and left as much as possible behind in Columbus.  I am on sabbatical from my teaching job; Glen has a grant from the Marie Walsh Sharp Foundation that provides him with a large, many-windowed studio in Tribeca—a far cry from the converted circa-1907 one-car garage he works in at home.  We are living in a furnished apartment in Brooklyn Heights for which we have bartered; Glen is remodeling it in exchange for our rent.  We’ve brought boxes of books, clothes, toys, cassette tapes, art supplies; no crib.

The apartment belongs to a woman named Pat, who grew up in it, as did her own daughter, Ariel, who is now in her thirties and in whose childhood bed Grace sleeps.  Pat is schizophrenic and lives in a group home upstate, near Ariel but not with her.  The husband of my old friend, Vicki, who lives with her family in the building next door to this one, has made these arrangements for us.  The two buildings form a co-op, and everyone in the co-op is pleased to have us living in Pat’s apartment, which has been empty since she was first hospitalized.

We have put most of Pat’s furniture and other belongings in storage for the year: we keep out just what we absolutely need—a bed for Grace, a bed for us, bedding and towels, two dressers and a couch, a kitchen table and three chairs, pots and pans and dishes and flatware.  Everything else—hundreds of books and records and magazines, closets and drawers full of clothes, a lifetime’s worth of papers, Ariel’s childhood things, the contents of junk drawers and desks—everything else is packed up, taken away.  We pay the monthly fee to keep most of Pat’s things safe, and live with the rest of them, as gently as we can.

Our year in New York is almost up. It has been a wonderful, strange, idyllic year: a year without day care or babysitters; a year in which I divide my days between writing and outings with Grace.  Glen is with her in the morning, from nine AM till noon or one—building with blocks or making paintings or drawings, or else out at a playground—while I write, and then we three have a lavish lunch together, our one family meal (ordered in from the Middle Eastern place just off Atlantic Avenue, or from the Vietnamese place on Remsen—one container after another of different kinds of noodle soups), and after lunch, Glen will leave for his studio and won’t be home until Grace and I are asleep.

In the afternoon, Grace and I explore the city. By this time—mid-June 1996—she knows every inch of the Metropolitan Museum. And while six years later it will be almost impossible to drag her into an art museum (she will fold her arms and insist that she has already seen enough art for a lifetime), at two, at three, there is nothing she enjoys more.   She is crazy about the Guggenheim Museum and MOMA, but best of all is the Met, for the Temple of Dendur and the rooms full of furniture, which captivate her (“This would be good to have,” she says thoughtfully, standing before an ornately gilded dressing table), and also for its Twentieth Century Wing.  Sometimes, while we are wandering through European paintings or in a nineteenth century room in the American Wing, she will suddenly shriek, “Get me to the twentieth century!”—for when it comes to paintings, it is only the modern that is of interest to her, the more abstract the better.  She likes to talk about what she sees in the paintings and make up titles for them: “Bang!” and “Some Smokestacks” and “The Bluest Blue.”

We also spend a day or two each month at the Natural History museum and have made a dozen visits to the Transit Museum (which is in walking distance from our apartment on Willow Place, and features a real city bus Grace can pretend to drive and subway cars from every era—so that I have the pleasure of sitting with my daughter on the hard wicker seat of a D train car, possibly one of the very ones in which I traveled with my mother and grandmother when I was no older than Grace) and at least as many visits to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens.  She has been to the Aquarium in Coney Island and the Hall of Science on the old World’s Fair Grounds in Flushing, and the Brooklyn Museum and the Brooklyn Children’s Museum and the Soho Children’s Art Museum and Sheepshead Bay to eat lobster at Lundy’s, as I did as a child, and Brighton Beach and the bead district on Fifth Avenue to buy necklace-making supplies and up and down every street in the Village, and if not every playground in Central Park then damn near, and we have recently discovered the best playground in all of New York, the one at the end of the Battery Park Esplanade, Hudson River Playground, which has its own squad of Battery Park City servicemen who patrol nonstop with toolbelts, and sculpture everywhere by Tom Otterness on which the children can climb (a giant foot, a head in profile, bulldogs they can use as footstools in order to reach the drinking fountains, dodo birds that spit water from their beaks).

Sometimes we don’t get back to the apartment till bedtime.  We’ll stop at a restaurant on our way home and she’ll share whatever I’m having for dinner—a cheap date—and order water in a wine glass for herself.  Over the course of this year, Grace has learned to love restaurants, to take the subway for granted; she has learned how to hail a cab.  She speaks with enough of a New York accent to ensure that she will not grow up to pronounce “merry,” “marry,” and “Mary” as if they are all the same word, the way my undergraduates do, and when she points at a passing dog and declares, “Dawgie!” for the first time, early in our New York year, I am dizzy with relief.

Weekends, Glen and I both take breaks from our work: he plasters and paints the apartment and Grace and I visit my parents on the Upper East Side, sleeping together in a fold-out sofa bed in their den—the room that was my brother’s when my parents first moved in to this apartment, in the late seventies.  Saturday nights, I cook—for my daughter and for my parents, who otherwise order in their dinners every night.  Sometimes I leave Grace with my mother and spend hours walking around the city alone, happy because I am home, because I am always happier in New York than in Columbus, and because Grace is getting to know her grandmother better than she ever would otherwise.

And Pat’s apartment is becoming beautiful, thanks to Glen.  And Silas, my friend Vicki’s son, and Grace are becoming as comfortable in each other’s company as siblings.  Vicki and Silas accompany Grace and me on many of our non-museum outings (Vicki’s convinced that Silas would run around like a maniac, bellowing at the top of his lungs, in an art museum), and the children play at home together, too, most evenings for at least a little while before bed.  Grace teaches Silas the joys of playing dress-up, and the two of them “take the subway” sitting on her bed side by side, in shawls and crocheted hats, wearing necklaces and bracelets and clutching their purses; Silas introduces Grace to a game he calls “money money money,” which involves diving off his playroom sofa into a combination of sofa cushions and thousands of pennies, spread out all over the playroom floor.  Vicki and I give the children their evening baths together, and we talk and talk.

Our kitchen window looks out on the Statue of Liberty.  Every day Grace says good morning to it.

And I have just about finished a new manuscript, and Glen has had a dealer visit his studio and offer to take him on.  All in all, it has been as perfect a year as we could possibly have hoped for—as we hadn’t dared hope for.

We arrived in New York just after Grace turned two; soon after her third birthday it will be time to leave.  She can’t even remember our house back in Columbus (and when we do return in August, she will be puzzled by it for the first few days, repeatedly forgetting where the staircase is that leads to the second floor and her bedroom), but she does remember the people of whom she was fondest there. Sometimes when she’s playing in our Willow Place apartment she’ll pick up her toy phone and call Amira Silver-Swartz, who is three and a half years older and the child she likes best in Columbus. “Hello, Amira? It’s me, Grace Jane. I’m still in New York. Everything’s fine here. How are things in Columbus?”

In Brooklyn Heights on this birthday eve, things are far from fine. Grace is in my lap, sobbing, begging not to be dragged forward in time, and I am tearfully doing my best to reassure her, as I have been doing since she was a baby, when I’d pat and rub her back and murmur, “I know, I know,” saying this so often that the two words ran together for her, became one, a magic word, so that by the time she was ten months old, I’d hear her muttering, IknowIknowIknow to reassure herself when she was feeling bad.

 By this time, with Grace just hours shy of three, “I know” has been expanded to take into account the particulars of each unhappy situation, and as I hold her on my lap, I stroke her hair and murmur that change is difficult for everyone, even for grownups, that going forward is always hard and scary, and leaving things behind is sad, but that she has lots of things to look forward to, that not knowing what’s ahead is part of what makes life interesting and exciting.  And I promise her that three will be fun, even better than two.  That there are joys and adventures ahead, things she will be able to do that she can’t even imagine right now.  You’ll learn to read.  You’ll learn to swim.  You’ll learn to ride a bike.  And all the while, I am doing my best to hide from her not only my tears but also my surprise.  Who ever heard of a child who doesn’t want to get older?

I don’t care!  I’m not turning three.  I’m staying two forever.

What I have no way of knowing is that this crisis will be repeated in a year, on the eve of three about to turn four, when we are back in Columbus, when she has forgotten all about the room she lived in in New York, and what she remembers about the year itself is patchy and vague, mixed up with what I have told her about it.

When the crisis occurs again, in exactly the same way, the night before she turns five, I am ready for it.  Likewise on the eve of five about to turn six.  Six turning seven.  Seven turning eight.  At some point along the way she becomes too grown up to climb into my lap for a routine crisis like this one, and she sits by herself with her knees to her chest, her head in her hands, sobbing into them, and I sit on the edge of the bed, reminding her that the year to come will bring undreamed-of pleasures.  I list for her—ticking them off on my fingers—the things she has accomplished in the last year: You taught yourself to swim, you read a chapter book, you learned to sew.  I mention a few of the things I know for sure are shimmering in the future just ahead: piano lessons, New York in the spring for Daddy’s next opening, Girl Scout camp.

She doesn’t want to hear about it.

You jumped off the diving board.  You wrote your own story about a horse.  You’ll learn to ride a horse.

I don’t care, she says. I hate time. I hate the way it never stays now, the way you can’t even keep it still for a second.  It’s already then.

I am amazed that she has figured this out.  It is the night before she turns eight.

And so I have to ask her—I have to; I really want to know—If you ran the universe, what would you do?  Banish time?

I’d do anything to make her feel better, and I’d never purposely do anything to make her feel worse, so I’m shocked when this question causes her to sob harder.

No, I couldn’t.  That’s the problem.  That’s why I hate it.  If time stopped, everything would stop.  But it just keeps coming and coming.  And it’s so terrible.