Herman writes about the multifaceted experience of parenting with
elegance and hard-earned humility. Her memoir first appears to be less about
motherhood than about her experience as a daughter and a friend, as she recalls
how her mother's depression resulted in her own lonely and isolated childhood,
and partly fueled her lifelong quest for perfect friendship and companionship.
But the relationship really driving this book is that between Herman and her
daughter, Grace, for whom Herman vowed to be "the mother to end all mothers."
Herman has a restless mind; she's constantly analyzing every aspect of her
relationships with other adults, but somehow overlooks the ways in which her
total devotion to Grace and her efforts to "meet [her] every need" would
contribute to Grace's inability to individuate from her mother, and lead to a
psychological breakdown at age six. With professional help and therapy, Grace
emerges from that crisis, but Herman's writing about that period and how her own
actions and history contributed to it is poignant and enlightening. "That
sometimes... mothers and their children's needs will be at odds with each other
in ways that aren't in the least apparent" strikes Herman, an obviously devoted,
insightful and intelligent mother, as a complete surprise, for many reasons
rendered clear by the end of this
memoir.
[Publishers Weekly]
Read an excerpt in the
webzine
Literary
Mama.
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